


Heart to Heart in the Dark

by Alexilulu



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 05:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17094659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexilulu/pseuds/Alexilulu
Summary: After so long wandering the dark alone, Aqua finds herself unwilling to give up her new companion.





	Heart to Heart in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I finished 0.2 and had A LOT OF FEELINGS about Aqua and her desire to protect others and be the keyblade master she proved herself to be in BBS, someone who helps the people she meets regardless of circumstance. Shoutouts to Jaya for putting up with me yelling in their DMs about this and all Kingdom Hearts which ended up inspiring this particular bit of pain.

“Why do you persist in wasting your time, Master Aqua?” Ansem the Wise asks from his seat on the beach. Behind him, Aqua flicks the remaining sludge of darkness from her keyblade, the remnants of the curious shadows fading— no, the Heartless, she still remembers the day— no, there are no days here, only moments, the moment King Mickey revealed how things had fallen towards darkness in the realm of light. She holds onto that memory, the brief time she shared with him, with desperate vigor.

“There’s no time to waste, here. We don’t eat, there’s no need for sleep, and we only grow tired from exertion.” Aqua returns to her seat next to him.

“Precisely, there  _ is _ no time to waste, Master Aqua. Every moment spent here not searching for a means of egress back to the realm of light is a moment wasted.” Here sits Ansem the Wise, the brilliant leader of Radiant Garden, imploring her to abandon him to the yawning dark. 

Unthinkable. She chose to stay, to remain a beacon in the darkness for as long as she is needed. Her entire purpose for being down here is to be the hope for someone like Ansem, trapped here by circumstance.

Isn’t it?

_ Or is it simply your misguided need to be needed by someone driving you to stay? _

Enough of that. “You don’t want me to protect you from the Heartless?” Aqua turns to him, raising an eyebrow.

“Please understand, Master Aqua. While I am many things, and have been many more in the past, I am not a person who abides waste. And though i have been a researcher and a scholar, I will not presume to lecture you about said waste. I merely ask that you find a better use for your energy than my wellbeing.” Ansem takes a breath, staring out at the ocean’s waves. “I have died once before now, and found myself in the darkness then. Now that I have wasted my second chance at life with meaningless revenge, I find myself in it again. I will not presume to think that the realm of light will suffer my imposition a third time.”

_ He’s right. You’ll never get back, not after what you did. After all, how many people did you fail? _

She won’t listen to this, the disgusting slithering whispers of the dark. Instead, Aqua stares at Ansem, searching for any sign of what he could truly be thinking, but everything is shrouded by that curious black coat of his. It protects him from the darkness, he says.

_ Have you ever wondered why you don’t need your Keyblade Armor down here to protect you? You’re of the darkness now, Aqua, you just haven’t admitted it yet. _

He has scarcely moved since they met, remaining upon his rocky perch even when the Heartless are within mere feet of him. At first, she thought that he was never in doubt that she would protect him. But now...Maybe he truly is on death’s door, as he would imply. Or maybe he has a death wish, a desire to atone for his sins, for enabling Xehanort to find his path to darkness once more.

_ He isn’t the only one who needs to atone with their life here. _

“It’s not a waste.” Aqua settles for, turning back to the waves. “I fell here protecting someone I love, and I stayed to protect someone important to me. Even if we’ve just met, this doesn’t have to be the end.”

“Possibly. Perhaps I could get up now, and we could find another way.” Ansem sighs, his thin form under the coat shifting uneasily. “But I think that perhaps it should not be that way. Perhaps this is my just end. I created the monster that allowed the Heartless to devour so many worlds. A fitting punishment.”

_ If he’s punished for enabling Xehanort, what punishment do  _ you _ deserve for letting Xehanort live on in Terra’s body? _

“You’re being ridiculous, Ansem.” Aqua rounds on him, standing. “You atone for a crime by doing better, not by giving up.”

“Atonement is simply beyond me. I am old, my body is failing and the only reason I have not died yet is that the darkness has not seen fit to take me at last. I have given all that I am, and been found wanting.” She can feel his eyes on her, searching as she did just before for some inkling of meaning in her face, her voice. “Why do you chase lost causes so desperately, Master Aqua?”

Because no cause is lost until it is beyond anyone’s grasp. Because she wants to believe in a just world, where those who fail are given the chance to find redemption and meaning within themselves. Because she wants to live in a world where contrition and forgiveness matter as much as action and belief. Because she wants to meet Sora and Riku, to learn if her own small influence made any difference to their lives. Because she wants Terra to be able to find the light in himself again and come home to her. Because she wants to see Ventus wake up again and smile at her without a care in the world, without a thought given to the x-blade or Vanitas or Xehanort or anything else. 

Because she wants to think that her failure to save both of them, to cut off the encroaching dark before it swallowed so many worlds hasn’t damned her to this half existence in the deepest pits of the dark.

Aqua says none of those things. To speak even one of them would break her. Even thinking them leaves her questioning if her motives are pure, if she is not simply seeking salvation from her own failures as the heir to Master Eraqus’ legacy. Already, the whispers of the darkness gnaw at her, trying to find the gap in her armor worn down by 11 years in the dark with only the most scant human contact. 

_ Don’t you see? You were doomed from the start. Trapped here with only a dying old man for company. _

_ Saving him won’t help anyone. Give up. You’ll never see anyone you love again. _

_ But really, how could you have ever thought you could escape here? After all, this place is a monument to your sins. You should remain, a testament to your own failure. _

_ Remain, and become one with the darkness. _

“Because…” Aqua starts, simply to banish the infernal words from her mind before they break her. “A Keyblade Master doesn’t need a reason to protect someone’s heart. I’ve chosen to follow my heart, and it tells me that your time isn’t up yet.”

“Hmph.” Ansem snorts derisively, shifting in his seat. “‘Let our hearts be our guiding key’, is it, then?”

“The old words...right.” Aqua nods, sitting back down. “Master Eraqus was a firm believer that a heart touched by light holds the key to all things in life.”

He watches Aqua for a moment before speaking. “I see. Would that I had a chance to meet him, someday. Alas. He has trained a fine Master to take his place, it would seem. One who still gives honor to the old ways, but with a heart that cries for those who have taken the wrong path.” Ansem falls silent, watching the sea once more. “A fine Master, indeed. Would that she not cry for lost causes, but again, alas. Very well, then. As a researcher into the mysteries of the heart, I cannot ask someone to disobey theirs. After all, hearts are fickle things on the long term, but firm in their belief in the moment.”

“That’s right.”

“As such, I will remain here awhile longer.” Ansem tilts a hand to her, a gesture of acceptance. “By your leave, Master Aqua.”

“Granted.” She returns the gesture with a smile. When was the last time she did that, genuinely smile? Too long by far. “Can you tell me more of what’s happened in the realm of light? The last thing I know about is that Kingdom Hearts was locked from both sides.” 

Ansem nods, launching into an overview of the separation of heart and body, the creation of a Nobody and the beginnings of the Organization. Upsetting material, to be sure, but...To be around another person for even another moment feels too good to be true. Maybe it’s selfish, to demand that Ansem hold on for her, but…

_ It  _ is  _ selfish. The man is on death’s door, and he will dance for your amusement until somebody cuts the strings and brings this charade to a messy end. _

_ Are you proud of yourself, Aqua? _

No. She hasn’t been proud in a long time. But she won’t bow to the darkness.  Not while there still remains people she can protect.

Not while Terra and Ven are waiting for her to come home.


End file.
